12 June 2003

Remind myself to tell Heather about:
the walk
My Id
the other walk
the ride
Kelly and the Ride

Posted by Cara @ 02:43 AM EST

Once again I'm trashed. I've made some stupid descions tonight. Walked about a mile til a drunk "aquintance" picked us up. God. I hate myself sometimes. Lost my ID. Found it one my walk back to a bar about a half a mile walk. God I am an asshole. I wish I could see Heather tomorrow. But she is with Mike. Fuck. I hate everything. I can't believe myself right now. I hate my friends. I hate everyone. I want to disappear. Tonight was the most dangerous night of my life and I hate myself. I hate everything here. I want to be home. Home is the BX to me now. I don't want to be her anymore. I hate myself right now.

Posted by Cara @ 02:33 AM EST

9 June 2003

Life is so blah. Everything is so blah. My life is so meaningless. I don't want to be here anymore. Why isn't it September when I will be back in NY, back with my life? At least I might go visit Heather in Syracuse the weekend after this one. I miss her to death, more than I could even say.

Posted by Cara @ 03:23 PM EST

6 June 2003

Not gonna lie. I'm really drunk right now. Came back from the Vineyard early. Should of had a great night, but nothing feels the same. I miss the Bronx, and most of all I miss my friends. Friendships not based on drugs or alcohol, real friends. Friends that know me. The other day I missed my ferry because I was talking to Heather on the phone for three hours. I miss her sooooo much, more than anything. Last year all I wanted was to be home, now I only want to get away.

Posted by Cara @ 01:59 AM EST

3 June 2003

I really need an escape. My mind i just cluttered. I have so much to say and I am just feeling so much, but I can't express any of it. I need clarity. Tomorrow, luckily, I am going to the Vineyard for a couple of days. Not exactly the escape I wanted, but it will work. Although, I am stuck with some of the people I want to run away from. I just want to be back at school. I want to be in NY and I want the people I love to be there.

I saw him again. Just drove by each other as usual. It still feels like I got punched in the stomach everytime I "see" him. It's been nine months and I'm not really over it. I don't know if I ever will be. It was a fast, intense and really fucked up relationship and being literally fucked up all the time didn't help. I will never know what really happened and I don't know if I care. All I know is that it still hurts.

Posted by Cara @ 10:22 PM EST

Over the years, I've had many of a site. It's been over a year since I've done anything substantial (i.e. shockyourmind.nu). After my long hiatus I'm back. I need my own space, somewhere I could vent and be just me. Fatale.nu is the result. Don't expect anything great. I'm just your average girl. I've lost whatever webdesign talent I never had and I'm not a writer. What you get here is just me. Unedited and uncalculated, completely raw. I make no excuses and no apologizes. This is me.

Posted by Cara @ 12:15 AM EST

femme fa┬Ětale:

n: 1. A woman of great seductive charm who leads men into compromising or dangerous situations.
2. An alluring, mysterious woman.